WOODY ALLEN’S UNFINISHED FALL PROJECTS

Thanks to the Internet, we have access to information we never needed, wanted, or should have.

For instance, imagine my surprise that while searching “The Pirate Bay” (for purely academic reasons that are not in any way linked to finding non-racist Daffy Duck cartoons) I stumbled across a .zip file called “Woody Allen’s Unfulfilled Projects.” So of course, I had to download that…

Er…

I have no idea how that file ended up on my machine, and you are a cretin for thinking any differently.

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Dear Phil – Letters from the Job Front

A couple of months ago, I placed my resume on the open market to see what nibbles. I’ve made some good contacts. But since I haven’t been pursuing this very hard, there hasn’t been much traction.

That is, until Phil contacted me. He’s been sending me automated job alerts. Since some of the jobs he’s recommended have been… well… out of my career path, I have been emailing him back. So far, the conversation has been one-sided.

So far.
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Religion for Fun and Prophet (Yeah, I Know…)

When being driven from a religion, one ends up in some far-afield places.

Okay, let’s backtrack. Just say that I was once a fundamentalist Christian and am no longer. No big whoop. That’s not what’s important here. What is important is that once you are in the marketplace for new gods, you can find some real boutique treasures.

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F*cking Millennials! Oh, How I HATE Them – by M. D. Ambersaurius

People come up to me and say “M.D….” and then my security team smashes them into a wall, because people should be seen and only heard shrieking in agony after trying to talk to me. But I know in every case what they want to say to me:

“M.D., what do you think about this terrible Millennial problem we have in this nation?”

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