Procrastination: Am I Spelling That Right?

There have been a lot of starts and stops with this entry, so please bear with me.

The problem is I am very distractible. I have a lot of interests and they all know my name and the route I take home from work. Everything is fascinating so I am chasing these interests in a frenzied rush.

I want to prove to you that yes, I have indeed been writing. Here are the various stops and starts with this article:


FEBRUARY 1st:

Today I want to talk to you about

SQUIRREL!!!! BRB!!!


FEBRUARY 3rd:

It wasn’t a squirrel. It was a cat.

Anyway, I want to talk to you about how evil is portrayed in

SHINY OBJECT!!!!!


FEBRUARY 4th:

It was a dime. Lucky me! It was by my desk though, so it probably belonged to me in the first place. Come to think of it, it must have fallen out of my pocket when I pulled out my wallet to prove to my wife what my age is.

So not so much luck as reclaiming briefly-lost wealth. Anyway, it was especially shiny for a dime.

Well, that’s knocked me out. I’ll try again tomorrow.


FEBRUARY 6th:

Okay, this time for sure.

Evil. I want to chat about how evil is portrayed in fiction.

Damn it! There’s the phone.


FEBRUARY 7th:

I should address this. The phone call was from a telemarketer. I pity telemarketers. It’s a terrible job where rejection stacks on rejection. The pay is little, and the employees are desperate.

So I decided to chat with the poor guy trying to sell me storm windows. I live in an apartment. The storms are not that severe here. I am NOT in this guy’s demographic. But I am generally sociable, so I gave chatting with him a shot.

I tried to talk about other subjects but he cut me off. I guess he only has a certain amount of time he’s allowed to spend on the phone. I understand.

So, rejected, I ate two Snickers. One read “Snippy” and the other “Spacey”. God… those’ll fit on my tombstone perfectly.


FEBRUARY 10th:

Talking Evil blah blah blah

Look, today I am not into it. I just ain’t.

I ate another Snickers earlier (“Impatient”) and am wondering if I can create an entire divination system using found words off of Snickers wrappers. If you can base divination on sheep’s liver, the planets, or the colors of socks on football teams, Snickers wrappers isn’t so far fetched.

I haven’t worked out the details because who has time? I don’t. I have more Snickers to eat. I’m passing this brainwave on to the aether. Have fun with it, eternity!


FEBRUARY 11th:

Did I mention I’m a diabetic? Snickers are probably not a good idea. I’m not SERIOUSLY diabetic. I don’t need shots, just pills. That’s going to change if I keep eating Snickers (“Rebellious”).

Anyway, that has nothing at all to do with the portrayal of evil in the

SQUIRREL!!!!!


FEBRUARY 13th:

Man, squirrels are ASSHOLES!


FEBRUARY 14th:

I really have something to say about the portrayal of evil in fiction. I swear to Jeebus Christmas I do!

Sometimes it’s just hard to get things started. There are so many distractions.

I’ve closed the curtains so I can’t see the squirrels outside, which is just as well; we’re no longer on speaking terms. The window guy hasn’t called back so I think I’m going to have to give up on that friendship. I never want to see another Snickers for at least five weeks. I have picked up the loose change off of the floor.

Wait, what the hell is that spot on the carpet?!


FEBRUARY 15th:

One steam cleaning later:

Whatever it WAS, it isn’t now. Kind of disheartening to see the water in the container after the steam clean is done. My dime was lying on THAT?! When I was a very young kid I used to put pennies in my mouth, back before steam cleaning was invented. What have I done to myself? Am I finally seeing the results of my taste experiments now?

Incidentally, pennies taste exactly how they look.

BRB. Looking for a penny.


 

FEBRUARY 16th:

They taste exactly the same as I remember. That means that over the decades I have missed out on exactly nothing.

I was careful to wash the penny first as well as afterwards. I am, after all, a scientist at heart. Right now I am chewing on a toothbrush with toothpaste on it to chase out the flavor. The penny is putting up a great fight. Who will win?

Taking bets.


FEBRUARY 17th:

Toothpaste wins! Finally!

I opened the curtains. It was getting too gloomy in here. Immediately, I saw that uppity squirrel putting on airs. She thinks she’s SO cool.

I’ve been trying to write this subject forever because I think it’s interesting. It’s indeed SO interesting that I’ll flesh it out right after I look for that dime I found a while ago.


FEBRUARY 18th:

Which brings us to today. I never found that dime. My wife probably stole it.

What I suppose I’m saying I am easily distractible. I do have a few things I want to address.

But first, I really should patch things up between me and that squirrel. Life’s too short.