Woody Allen’s Unfinished Fall Projects

Thanks to the Internet, we have access to information we never needed, wanted, or should have.

For instance, imagine my surprise that while searching “The Pirate Bay” (for purely academic reasons that are not in any way linked to finding non-racist Daffy Duck cartoons) I stumbled across a .zip file called “Woody Allen’s Unfulfilled Projects.” So of course, I had to download that…

Er…

I have no idea how that file ended up on my machine, and you are a cretin for thinking any differently.

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Smash That Interview Right In The Mustache Hole! – by M.D. Ambersaurius

When I was a hiring manager, I saw young, potential wage slaves every week. They came in with their degrees, their certifications, their masonic handshakes, full of hope and hunger. My experiences have caused mobs of plebs to hound me constantly for my wisdom.

So when asked for interview advice, I usually tell everyone the same thing:

Get the hell out of my office!

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Archibald MacLeish Part Two: Arse Poetica

macleish-archie1
Absolutely unretouched photo of Archibald MacLeish shortly before draining the soul of Zelda Fitzgerald in Rockville, MD. What, are you calling me a liar?!

And so we land at the crime he is most famous for. The poem that killed poetry. “Ars Poetica.” In this poem, MacLeish’s thesis is a poem is a waste of time and one shouldn’t even bother with it. And with his poetry he comes SO CLOSE to proving this theory!

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America’s Untapped Resources! Part Two: Giant Death Robots – by M.D. Ambersaurius

Robots

The future is inevitable. Don’t believe me? Wait five seconds.

1…2…3…4…5…

Welcome to the future! How different things were five seconds ago! What a wild trip, huh? And what has changed over the last few seconds? Not very much.

EXCEPT…

Except we are now over five seconds closer to the development of Giant Death Robots!

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