45,461 words! Over 3,178 words! (3,179 words total) And I promise, it isn’t merely “All Work And No Play Make John A Dull Boy.” I’m saving that for the last chapter. BOOM! You’ve been Shyamalan’ed!
Writing Advice: Nudity!
There is a great temptation when you’re working on a story you’re excited about to show people your work in progress. Don’t do it! Showing someone your first draft is like showing someone a naked picture of your lover and asking “do you think they’ll look good in yellow?”
First of all, they probably won’t. Not with that skin tone. Go for winter colors. Second of all, yellow is pretty unflattering on most people. It’s hard to pull off yellow. Usually the go-to answer for anyone who asks if they would look good in yellow is “no.”
Use your head next time before asking me these kinds of questions.
Or do you want to flash nudes of your lover at people for some other reason? Look. I’m sure your lover is proud of their body, but no one likes a braggart. It’s a bad personality trait. True beauty is within and other cliches of that sort.
What? Post pictures of my lover? That’s pretty fresh of you. I don’t even have the pay portal set up yet, you cheeky monkey!
How did this Writer’s Advice column turn into an article about amateur pornography? Let me check my outline. Oh. Right here in my notes. “Mention amateur porn before the fifth paragraph.”
Bang on target then! That’s why I outline. It keeps me on track. Although it doesn’t seem to work, so perhaps I shouldn’t outline.
Anyway, keep your nudes and your first drafts to yourself. Flesh it out first. Make it pretty. Approach it from new angles. Show off your completed project. Then all of your friends and family will applaud you and gasp in wonder at the amazing thing you’ve presented.
This applies to your first draft as well.
I think the lesson is: wait until the story is ready before showing it off. Also, nobody looks good in yellow, including Robert W. Chambers’ “King In Yellow.”
Last of all (and perhaps most importantly), leave amateur pornography to the professionals.