Something About Vampires

Are vampires still a thing? Did Twilight kill that at last? Are they still a romantic ideal of some sort – kind of an aristocratic rape-y sort of thing where someone in a higher economic class comes down and robs you of your free will with their eye-ruffies?

I hope not! I like vampires!

Continue reading “Something About Vampires”

“What Fresh Madness Are You Proposing Now?” More Letters to Phil

Oh, Phil. Eternally enticing me with new career options.

I kind of imagine him as a perky red-headed man with a nice smile and a “means well” demeanor. More realistically, he probably looks like this:

A baby picture of Phil

Continue reading ““What Fresh Madness Are You Proposing Now?” More Letters to Phil”

How Do I Tell My Five-Year-Old Daughter That She’s A Bad Dramatist?

I love my daughter more than a this stupid keyboard I’m typing on can express. Yet, I cannot stand playing pretend with her using her dolls and action figures.

It has nothing to do with toxic masculinity or embarrassment. I’d put on nail polish, bows in my hair, and glitter blush on my cheeks for her. Hell, I might end up feeling pretty while I’m at it!

No, the problem is that my five year old has NO idea about the classical unities, and that is becoming a deal-breaker.

Continue reading “How Do I Tell My Five-Year-Old Daughter That She’s A Bad Dramatist?”

Talking To Writers

It was said that writing is the most solitary of artistic endeavors. I cannot remember who said that.

Was it that guy at the bus station? No, he had some interesting (and gross) proposals for me but no real insight. Probably someone at a coffee house. Notions like that flow heavily in a coffee house. Starbucks, yes, but even more so in local coffee houses, where people will pin you down into a black hole conversation of “no corporate coffee!” that is so dense that not even insight can escape.

Continue reading “Talking To Writers”

Woody Allen’s Unfinished Fall Projects

Thanks to the Internet, we have access to information we never needed, wanted, or should have.

For instance, imagine my surprise that while searching “The Pirate Bay” (for purely academic reasons that are not in any way linked to finding non-racist Daffy Duck cartoons) I stumbled across a .zip file called “Woody Allen’s Unfulfilled Projects.” So of course, I had to download that…


I have no idea how that file ended up on my machine, and you are a cretin for thinking any differently.

Continue reading “Woody Allen’s Unfinished Fall Projects”