How Do I Tell My Five-Year-Old Daughter That She’s A Bad Dramatist?

I love my daughter more than a this stupid keyboard I’m typing on can express. Yet, I cannot stand playing pretend with her using her dolls and action figures.

It has nothing to do with toxic masculinity or embarrassment. I’d put on nail polish, bows in my hair, and glitter blush on my cheeks for her. Hell, I might end up feeling pretty while I’m at it!

No, the problem is that my five year old has NO idea about the classical unities, and that is becoming a deal-breaker.

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Woody Allen’s Unfinished Fall Projects

Thanks to the Internet, we have access to information we never needed, wanted, or should have.

For instance, imagine my surprise that while searching “The Pirate Bay” (for purely academic reasons that are not in any way linked to finding non-racist Daffy Duck cartoons) I stumbled across a .zip file called “Woody Allen’s Unfulfilled Projects.” So of course, I had to download that…

Er…

I have no idea how that file ended up on my machine, and you are a cretin for thinking any differently.

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Smash That Interview Right In The Mustache Hole! – by M.D. Ambersaurius

When I was a hiring manager, I saw young, potential wage slaves every week. They came in with their degrees, their certifications, their masonic handshakes, full of hope and hunger. My experiences have caused mobs of plebs to hound me constantly for my wisdom.

So when asked for interview advice, I usually tell everyone the same thing:

Get the hell out of my office!

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